I can’t wait to see how this one turns out. Waste haulers are bummed, business owners aren’t bummed yet (for another few weeks at the most), and the City is stoked. They just passed a law that requires all dumpsters, compactors and toters in the City of Philadelphia to have a “medallion” on them. These questionable “Radio Frequency Identification medallions” transmit an identification code to officers strolling around with handheld computers. Everything’s cool though, they say there’s no personal information stored on the devices. Phew! Thanks L&I.

Wait a minute, what are these medallions for? To see if you’ve paid your yearly dumpster tax, of course! These medallions cost anywhere from $75 to $150 for your average dumpster greater than 1 cubic yard, which is basically all of them. If your dumpster is on public property, go ahead and TRIPLE those fees.

I had heard about this about six months ago, but when I did, I laughed it off. How could this possibly pass? I dunno, but it did, and with flying colors. Heck, I didn’t even write about it, that’s how ridiculous it sounded. I predict an uproar from the city’s businesses the day that the grace period expires. Why? Because waste haulers risk GETTING FINED for picking up any waste container that doesn’t have a medallion on it. Customer service down the toilet, lots of smelly trash sitting around screaming to be disposed of.

Here’s another excellent money maker: If your medallion stops transmitting a signal, you’re responsible for replacing it, and you receive a violation. $25 for a replacement plus $75 to have an inspector come out and laugh at you. Do any of you have a compact fluorescent bulb you haven’t had to replace yet? Remember how they all said they’d last ten years no problem? Ugh. I can’t wait to see how high-quality these RF transmitters are.

So for all of you business owners out there reading this (all zero of you), go get your medallions, and make sure to give L&I a piece of your mind about this new bogus law. Oh wait, they don’t list their phone number on the application. And if you call the number that’s posted on their shoddy website, no one ever answers…how convenient. I gotta give it to them.

I admit, I’m not angry about this…but I sure am disappointed. What’s a better solution? Many of you will hate me for it (and that’s because your disposal habits suck), but why not implement a pay-per-throw system? It creates a legitimate incentive to reduce waste and increase your recycling to its highest potential. Heck, maybe it would get more people to start composting.

So if you’d like to help out your boss, ask them if they’ve purchased medallions for the company’s dumpsters, toters and compactors. The restaurant with a 2 yarder in the alley behind Sansom St: instead of $100 a month, now you’re paying $600. Colleges with over 100 waste containers, oh man. I don’t even want to think about that expense. So who’s excited for the chaos to come?